Great Expectations

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No, this is not the Charles Dickens novel that I am talking about here, but, an important fact of life – “Our Expectations”… rather “Great Expectations”.

"Are You Expecting?" … applies to each one of us. As you may have already guessed, the answer is... “Yes, You Are!” And “So do I!”

Everyone has expectations stated or hidden. I have a whole lot of them from friends, families, colleagues, neighbours, and the world at large.

I expect my friends to be loyal, trustworthy, honest, responsive, and, of course, to wish me on my birthday! :) I expect my family to be supportive and understanding. I expect my colleagues to work as a team, be responsible. I expect my neighbours to be non intrusive. I expect my partner to love me, care for me, and understand me. I expect the general public to be more responsible. I expect the sun to shine in the morning. I expect God to give me the best in life and the list is endless.

My list of expectations brings me on to say that, in every aspect of my life, I have expectations all the time. I try to fit my life to these expectations, even though sometimes I need to do it the other way, or I am forced to do it the other way. I generally tend to put all my relationships on a pedestal, expecting more than they can deliver… and when unfulfilled I am hurt, angry, stressed, depressed, frustrated… WHAT A MESS!

But Still I do expect… because I am human.

I have had many close friends in this lifetime, who one by one I think, vanished in the crowd. Were my expectations of them too high, or did I not meet their expectations? Whatever the case may be, the fact is some of the best relationships I have ever had have been killed of these expectations. I so now wish they weren’t there at all. This thought brings me to my second question:

Are these expectations realistic at all?

I guess NOT. Had I stated my expectations clearly to them, and set their expectations right, the conflict would have been controlled, but I chose to move on, and during this journey, I learnt some basic facts of life.

I learnt that no one is perfect. Instead of looking to others to meet our expectations, we must take responsibility for our own life, and make necessary changes that are in our best interest. Our life depends on what we focus on. Our expectations are a way of focusing on what we would like the future to hold for us, which means our life depends on them. Our expectations can motivate us or hurt us, and only we can determine what they will do to us.

The onus rests on our shoulders to make the most out of our lives. What do we expect from our relationships, from people around us? If we expect things to be tough, most likely they will be. It is for us to examine our expectations, and make or break our lives. After all, expectations are really just planned disappointments.

If we change our focus and outlook toward life and relationships, I’ll bet many aspects of our life will begin to change. Problems in life and relationships are inevitable — but struggling is optional.

Rather than spending a lot of time trying to change the direction of the wind in our life, why not adjust our own sails. When it comes to our relationships, we should remember to remind ourselves “I can only control me.” When we know this is true, we can spend less time worrying about what the world is doing, and more time growing and improving our own selves.

We should aim to discover our expectations and find out if they make us happy or frustrated. If they make us happy, it is good to keep them, so that we can experience more of them. If not, it is usually a sign we have created something ourselves that makes us sad and frustrated, and it’s best to discard such expectations and move on, making our lives stress free and worth living.

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Anonymous said...

Hi Pooja

That was a Great Insight into human nature-Great Expectations. I would like to add my perspective to your impressive write-up.

I would rather like to categorise the 'Great Human Expectations' on the basis of their origin.

The expectations that we have from our friends, families, colleagues and neighbours, are born from Emotions we have for (not necessarily 'share with') each of the classes or individuals. The degree of expectations varies with the degree of our emotion for them-the more we value them, the more we expect them to understand us or bail us out. The heart creates Emotional fuss and nonsense and we lose the most beautiful relationships we have built and valued in life.

The expectations from oneself can be categorised as Ambitions and are controlled by mind, The Sensible. At least one can focus, work hard and achieve the goals.

No one is perfect. I have since wondered- Then, couldn’t there be any possible workable compromise between the ‘expectations’?

I’ve dumped emotions of all kind and have committed to expect only from myself and go with the Sensible. At least the pain will be spared and the success is sure.

-An ordinary Human

February 19, 2012 at 1:17 AM
Pooja Sharma said...

Hi Anonymous,

Its difficult not to expect and I expected you not to be anonymous . I completely agree with your thoughts and as you said expect only from your own self and be happy .

Cheers !

February 19, 2012 at 7:55 PM
Anonymous said...

Ok then. Here I am :-)

February 20, 2012 at 1:49 AM
Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

@ myndblog: Why is 75% of your blog protected ???

September 5, 2012 at 5:17 PM

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