THE Game

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The other day I was talking to an old friend, and something she said made me remember something similar another person had told me a few days back, which kinda got me thinking...

Oh ok, I'll go chronically about this then -- FIFO, First in First Out!

A few days ago I was visited by a couple of "well-wishers", a part of the "tribe" who are still trying to put me through the "cookie-cutter" (I came across this phrase somewhere and it suits perfectly here!) and settle me into the role of the "standard cookie" -- one husband, 2 kids, 9-5 job, followed by Ekta Kapoor's daily soap operas on the idiot-box! The PERFECT life, as is understood here in India and, I believe, the rest of the world too! So the female "well-wisher" gave me some well-meaning advice on how to get my life "in shape"- the "shape" that is accepted by the tribe I mean!

Now, I have a very blunt way of speaking, as people who read my blog can very well make out. And I am never able to pretend I like something if I don't. (Ok mark my words very carefully here -- I have said "someTHING" and not "someONE", which means that even if it appears that I don't like a 100 odd THINGS about someone, it does NOT necessarily imply that I don't like that someONE! As they say, "hate the crime, but not the criminal".)

So then the first step in becoming that perfect "cookie" is finding myself a husband right? Well, these "well-wishers" came to the conclusion that my blunt style of speaking and my apparent "honesty" and "integrity" are the culprits here, which are keeping me from finding a husband. And then they let me on in this "secret"...

Apparently it requires just about one year (or even less at times) to completely have the man you want on a "leash"! (I use the word "leash" here 'coz that's how they made it sound... like I was taming a dog to live with me for the rest of his life!) They told me that if I can manage to keep my "gab" shut for just one year with a guy - any guy - I would have him "eating-out-of-my-hand" by then. And once he marries me, I will have all the time in the world to "nag" him about everything I might have ever wanted to in that one year... AND everything that I might ever want to in the future! So it is basically a game of *waiting for just one year*... and after that you can treat him like crap... AND get away with it too!

The other day my old friend confirmed the validity of this "secret". She said that all it needs to build up a "lasting" relationship with a guy is to treat him like a "KING" for the first few months, until you can make out he's totally addicted to you and your "female charms", and then he's your "SLAVE" for the rest of his life! So you can just switch back to being your "normal" critical self, 'coz by then you would have already "conditioned" him to "keep wagging his tail after you", no matter what you said or did to him! And then, let's say if you held back your tongue for like 8 months before marriage, you can "nag" him about it for 8 YEARS after marriage... again and again and again! WOW!

(Of course you'll need to maintain a mental checklist of all those things you might have wanted to bash his head about in those 8 months! So this won't work if you're one of those people who have a fight with someone, let off steam then and there, and then forget all about it 5 minutes later!)

Now being put across like that in my "blunt" style, this sounds a bit disgusting, doesn't it? But hey, who am I to complain? The guys love this is as much the girls! They still keep falling for only those females who know these "rules of the game" and play it ruthlessly! I mean a man has to be really dumb if he honestly believes that the "ROYAL" treatment given to him BEFORE marriage will continue AFTER marriage too! In fact, forget about marriage and husband... ANY person will have to be dumb if he/she sincerely believes that 2 people can agree about everything under the sun and NEVER have any difference of views at all!

And yet, men still allow themselves to be fooled by the so-called "meek-and-docile-charm" of females! And when they eventually realize their mistake, they come out with so many jokes on marriage and on their "wives"...

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.

Love is blind... but marriage is an eye-opener!

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, and Suffering.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the Hubby speaks and the wife listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Ok and here's the last one...

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always".

Ha ha ha ha! So before marriage, it is "MR. Always Right"... and after marriage, it is "MRS. Always Right" !!! :D

I'll keep this "SECRET" in mind if I ever decide to become the "perfect cookie"! ;-)

P.S. - Long time back, my Dad used to share this joke with everyone around...
"I am the boss of this house, and I have my wife's permission to say so!":))

EDITOR'S NOTE: Also recommended
- "Ladies First!"
- "15 Reasons Why I Want To Marry A Female Blogger!"

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Pooja Sharma said...

Excellent Kaddu .... I was meeting a guy for a matrimonial alliance sometime back and after the first meeting .. I was given a FEEDBACK by him .. that I am too talkative .. I came home and told my folks .. this is what the guy has to say ...since then i have been told to keep my mouth shut when I meet anyone .. and just hear him like a dodo ... I tried doing that once .. and I failed miserably... and hence I am still figuring how to become the perfect cookie

November 2, 2010 at 7:09 PM
Kaddu said...

U know what! I think it's the shape of our ":D"... girls with such a perfect ":D" are usually too tough for guys to handle!

November 2, 2010 at 7:28 PM

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