Actually, I want to rape...

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I made an 8 day trip to Paris and Frankfurt in the first week November, 2002. On board an emirates flight from Mumbai to Paris, via Abu Dhabi, sipping red wine, served by the sexy Filipina air hostess, after a few sips, as I felt the wine warm up my soul, I decided to launch into a conversation with my co passenger, an Indian guy in his late teens.

Me: Hi!
He: Haylo

Me: Annand here
He: (Showing surprise) Here???

Me: I mean I am Annand
He: Ohh… my name is Mansukh… from Limbdi.

Me: Heyy that means you are a Gujju. I am from Baroda. I have passed through Limbdi many times, on way to Rajkot.
He: You traawell to Rajkot also?

Me: Yes I roam all over India, I am into sales. Nice to meet you, Mansukh!
He: Yes, very nice…

Me: Are you off to Abu Dhabi, or will you be with me till Paris? (Mansukh had a habit of making a chuckling sound every few sentences he spoke, the way kids suck a candy, and he had already begun to get on my nerves. Thanks to the red wine, I was managing to tolerate the whisssshhhhh whissshhhh sounds he made with his mouth. I was wondering whether his mouth produced extra saliva.)
He: No, I em going to Peris.

Me: That’s cool
He: Hay cool cool, we are same types…

Me: Meaning?
He: We two are going to Peris, and we two say cool.

Me: Oh okk. Do you live there?
He: No no, my nani-maasi live there, I will be joining her from toomorow.

Me: And what do plan to do once you are in Paris?
He: Study music. I can use the sexophone, I am a fen of Kanny Gee.

Me: That’s really nice, what else in music?
He: Actually, I want to rape

Me: (Choking, with violent jerks, as the wine too got wild, and tried to enter my windpipe after hearing Mansukh’s bomb blast!) Whaaaaatttt??? You want to rape?
He: (Smiling, shaking his neck with jerks) Yah yah, I very much like to rape…

Me: (Hesitantly… instead of asking whom, decided to ask why) But why do you want to rape?
He: B’cose I like it, its my ambition. Do you know Baba Saigal? The rape star?

Me: (Getting my wine in the right pipe finally, letting off a huge sighhhh) Ohhhh you mean raaaaaaap? You want to rap one day? And you mean SEHGAL?
He: Bingawww, you finally got it bose!!

Me: (I thanked Netaji for not being there, or else he would have fainted!) That’s nice, have you done a rap song already?
He: Yes, I am a bataka lover you know…

Me: Bataka? You mean potato? A rap song on potato? Are you serious?
He: Yes, I want to experiment with everything, and since I like poteto much, I wrote on him.

Me: Him?? Ohh you mean “it…”
He: No no! I don’t eat, I just wrote.

Me: (Desperately looking for the Filipina, as I badly needed another glass of wine! This was getting crazy!) Ok Ok…
He: You want to lissen? Here it is…

A frenchie fry, you tell me why,
’Cos I am your guy, don’t let me die…
Shaka laka boom boom Shakalaka boom…
Here I go zoom Oh lets do dhoom

A finger chip, you kiss my lip,
And I will take a sip, Then lets go zip…
Shaka laka boom boom Shakalaka boom,
Here I go zoom, Oh lets do dhoom…

A potato chaat, oh dance fatafaat…

Me: (Interrupting aggressively) Hey that’s great, now excuse me Mansukh, I need to go to the loo… will be beck soon, I mean back soon…
He: Did you get excited na? You come beck, and I will complete this rape…

Me: (Desperately seeking God) Yes I will soon…

I went to the Filipina charmer, and requested a change of seat; she readily agreed, as, till Abu Dhabi, the flight had very few passengers. I also requested one more red wine, and occupied a window seat at the rear, far away from the raping Mansukh. God save me… and everyone else from such bizarre rapist!

As I quietly lay back, sipping another round of red wine, I thought of Mansukh, and the talent that he would soon unleash on the innocent Parisians. As I soon went into a gentle slumber, thinking of the lunch that would be served soon, I dreamt of the poor Eiffel Tower, losing control, and actually tilting, and leaning… from the harrowing experience of listening to the Limbdi-ka-rapist… and competing with its cousin in Pisa!

Picture Credit: Deror Avi

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Pooja Sharma said...

Hilarious rape that was !!!

September 1, 2010 at 11:09 AM
Avada Kedavra said...

Hahaha.. that was too funny!

September 14, 2010 at 4:55 PM
InkTank said...

thanks a lot Pooja!! glad u enjoyed the post:)

September 14, 2010 at 8:39 PM

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